In last 23 years, I always had something in my mind. Something that was
supposed to happen a year or two down the line. Something that was supposed to
change my life, if not forever, for at-least the coming year. Something that
needed preparation. In childhood it was annual exam. Later, it was admission to
a good College. Then it was finding a nice job. But now I feel really strange.
Now, I really miss that feeling. That feeling of some big upcoming event that can change
my life.
There were new books to read and new problems to solve every year. New
teachers, new classmates and new lessons. Now life is somewhat monotonous. There
is nothing exciting in life for coming few years. Nothing that have potential
to change my life forever. I realize I was getting everything cooked and dried
till now. There were things that were already planned. School and College and
all. From now on, I need to decide myself what I want to do in future. I am
supposed to create those Big Events for myself.
This is strange. I never thought life can be like this. Although decisions
are what make us humans different from Computers. But its really difficult. Is this
freedom?? I will be responsible for my failures now. Even earlier I was, but I
always have option to blame others or the system for the miseries of life.
Parents and teachers were always there to decide on my behalf.
I have an option to kill few more years refusing to take a stand like
others in my generation. Or, I can become socially awkward and criticize
everything and everyone around. But I decide to choose the third option. Pretend
to be confused. And ignore the fact that now I am responsible for my actions
and even my actions can harm others.
Am I going through what they call “Quarter Life Crisis”??But I am happy. I
just cannot choose. Am I turning into a Robot?? But ignoring
everything is also a choice. I may be on self destruction mode but I have
chosen this. Thank God! At-least I am human.
Humans cannot be happy or sad for a long time. The situation is going to
change soon. Some disaster, disease or a girl (J) will strike soon. This time I will face everything unprepared.
